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    teh ten commandments

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    myke
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    teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Wed May 07, 2008 3:58 pm

    The Ten Commandments are a list of moral rules which are ten in number. Not nine. Not eleven. Ten. Twelve is right out! o sinner, you must obey them all without exception. Unless you cross your fingers behind your back while you're disobeying (known as the 'Crossed Finger Get-Out Clause') scratch
    .
    They were written by the Finger of God on two tablets of stone. God himself wasn't present at the time - He was on His couch in His condo watching Spongebob Squarepants stoned - but the Finger of God did a perfectly good job of it.

    The tablets were then sent to Moses by FedEx, who charged extra because of the weight of the package, and the poor access to Mount Sinai. Don't even ask about the import duties.
    .
    THE MOVIE VERSION OF TEH TEN COMMANDMENTS <-------- i shouted that bit, sounding like god...... i think.
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    1 - I am your Lord and God (I am your first, your last, your everything, just ask Berry White)
    2 - You shall have no other gods before Me (or after, just me)
    3 - You shall not make for yourself an idol (or a Billie Idol)
    4 - You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God (No kidding, this really riles me.)
    5 - Remember the Sabbath and keep it Black (unless you like milk with yours)
    6 - Honor your parents (Even if they drank, or filled your head with lies, they are still your parents and therefore don't make them my problem. You don't have to like them, just don't stir the pot, OK?)
    7 - You shall not murder (killing is fine, Murder is premeditated and therefore wrong.i wasn't sure where to put suicide in this,but i think thats bad aswell so dont do it.)
    8 - You shall not commit adultery (Screw around as much as you like, but once you are legally married stop it. Gay men can play around all they want (or can they? i dunno). And lust in your heart is fine , just no screwing around rite !!!!)
    9 - You shall not steal (If it isn't yours don't take it Mister Sticky fingers) Very Happy
    10 - You shall not bear false witness (Don't lie. Not even if your wife asks you if you like her homemade mashed potatoes - be brutally honest, I command it(See rule 7)
    10 1/2 - You shall not covet your neighbor's wife (Your neighbor's husband is fine, just don't mess with his wife. So if she covets you and she's married, you lose. If she Covets you AND is a divorcee, Hubba Hubba! Bugga!! You can't be divorcing either. How completely wonkered is your predicament?)
    10 3/4 - I am the lord, your god! so there ha!!!.
    Should have mentioned this one earlier. It's not set in stone but it still counts.
    thou shalt not "kill bill" or i will become "fast and furious," if you catch my "tokyo drift." unless you do it "the day after tommorrow"
    .
    (edited)
    there !!!!!! thats ten now.............
    .


    Last edited by myke on Wed May 07, 2008 4:04 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : lost count of how many commandments there were. :))
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    DeTekT
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by DeTekT on Wed May 07, 2008 5:37 pm

    you rule mike
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    Bretteo
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Bretteo on Wed May 07, 2008 6:38 pm

    hey chris why not read this one

    9 - You shall not steal (If it isn't yours don't take it Mister Sticky fingers)

    Laughing

    nice one mikey d
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    myke
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Wed May 07, 2008 8:57 pm

    Very Happy i remember stealing a bar of chocolate from a shop when i was wee, it wasnt real,it was a fake one for display, boy was i pee'd off, never went back to that shop again, bloomin cheek puttin fake chocolate bars on display...... pfffft.
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    Bretteo
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Bretteo on Wed May 07, 2008 9:14 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing

    Hybrid
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Hybrid on Wed May 07, 2008 11:20 pm

    Lol nice work
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    myke
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    teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Thu May 08, 2008 12:39 pm

    TEH TEN COMMANDMENTS in fool.......... ermm full.
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    Many people are mistaken, but there are actually twenty-two ten commandments. scratch what !!!!!!!
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    1 - Thou shalt have no other gods without the appropriate god licence. Call 800-OTHER-GODS for our offers on other gods. Call charges apply. 0800-nude-godess is an unrelated but more entertaining line. Call charges apply there too. (Please Note: An extra 25p per minute service charge applies when calling from Norwich .)
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    2 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven or rude image with the " getpaint.net " program. so there, ha !!!!!
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    3 - Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain, so no crying out 'Jesus H. Christ' when you step on a rake in the garden. You wanna say something? Say 'Holy F*ck!' Jesus H. Christ is disrespectful. Holy f*ck is not.
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    4 - Remember the Black Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Hail Ozzy. * bows down *
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    5 - Thou shalt not commit adultery and get caught, because it's going to hurt. Practice makes perfect - hiding in the wardrobe is an old one, don't bother with that. Plan several escape routes and ensure you have a good alibi. Also a change of clothes is handy, Think it through, buddy!
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    6 - Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour, whatever false witness is. put this one in to make sure you're paying attention. well, are you ?
    .
    7 - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's bling, ( unless thou really likes it.) then, hey we can sorta overlook that one.
    .
    8 - Thou shalt not pee in thy parents coffee, unless thou is a dog. However, if you get caught peeing in thy parents coffee, thou shall not put it away until thy job is done. Go get em' soldier.
    .
    9 - If you've read this far, you're doing well. Cut out the coupon and send it in for a full rebate. Rolling Eyes
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    10 - Jesus Shalt have laser eyes. This is Commandment 9.9. Not 10. If you think it says 10, you are wrong. Suspect
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    11 - This is Commandment 10. If youve read this far, it proves you haven't a life. Now go read a book or something.
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    12 - Thou Shalt not make more than 10 commandments, " damm it n blast, who thought up that one ? "
    .
    10.25 - Thou shalt not make a commandment about making more than 10 commandments, " ha !!! sorted you out. " Razz
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    10 an wee bit - Thou shall not do that in teh school toilets. ( why not ? everyone else does )
    .
    10 - Thou shalt not go into the woods with thy mates, drink vodka and have a wild party, dance about like lunatics and have a great laugh Shocked * yeh well, bugga that one for a joke........strike out..... gotcha *
    ...................................................................................
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    Bretteo
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Bretteo on Thu May 08, 2008 9:15 pm

    2 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven or rude image with the " getpaint.net " program. so there, ha !!!!!


    thank GOD i use photoshop Very Happy
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    myke
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Thu May 08, 2008 11:06 pm

    damm, i put the wrong program in there.. Very Happy
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    Bretteo
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Bretteo on Fri May 09, 2008 12:06 am

    and also, thank god i dont live in norwich Laughing wymondham FTW Very Happy
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    myke
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Fri May 09, 2008 12:27 pm

    yeh i know dat, just thought i'd give yer wee town a rest, your town council should be paying me, the ammount of free advertising i do for the town.. lol!
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    Bretteo
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Bretteo on Sat May 10, 2008 1:52 pm

    Laughing ill ask them for you Very Happy

    Hybrid
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Hybrid on Tue May 13, 2008 9:01 pm

    Not bad, how long do you spend typing these? haha

    Jamez
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Jamez on Wed May 14, 2008 3:25 pm

    sweet nice one Very Happy
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    DeTekT
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by DeTekT on Wed May 14, 2008 6:35 pm

    haha

    Lone_wolf_1987
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by Lone_wolf_1987 on Wed May 14, 2008 6:50 pm

    Hybrid wrote:Not bad, how long do you spend typing these? haha


    Lol i bet like an hour Laughing
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    myke
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    Re: teh ten commandments

    Post by myke on Wed May 14, 2008 7:20 pm

    ha ha wrong, nah on average bout 20 - 30 mins, sometimes shorter.
    it depends on the ideas, some parts are copied while i'm trolling and changed around to apply to here.
    other stuf is just whats inside me head... like mince. Rolling Eyes

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